Saturday, April 29, 2017

Prenatal forgiveness.

I just ran off and luckily got into the Scientology and Dianetics center down the street and realize. I did harbor something from childhood far greater than what I had thought. Because of me, I stopped life. I never allowed my parents to have a son or daughter for them or brother or sister for me. I know it was a girl with my Dad and a big boy with my step dad. I just have believed this is true and not get fathomed at by someone else. I haven't been audited by them yet or gone through the rebirthing process. But it's the same thing. Every time. I was in the Rebirth guild on WoW (World of Warcraft). Esmail calls me Big boy. Mom still throws tantrums and then sounds like a little girl. I couldn't hide things and coat them all forever with sugar. I'm experiencing too many problems with this now. Too many issues. Too many painful regrets and past memories of me accounting for this such problem. I find it disheartening I have to exist this way. But progress is occurring and things are happening for me. I AM GETTING BETTER (I WANT TO SHOUT BACK AT MY DEMONS). I know I can only get through so much at a time. But still feel I am losing the battle with just correct English lifestyle speaking. It's hard for me to deal with what I've got to deal with. But on a good note, I feel technology should be maturing in about a year. It may reach its peak and a golden age should bloom with everyone involved. There will be a conflict with those who don't have and they will not gain. As troubling as it is, there are many facets to hoping to be able to continue this discussion. I stopped keeping numbers in my head and only hold words now. It's easier for me to live not living by some evil identity that I have; the math of the algorithm of the law of ... knowing what all that is. even though I'm just very poor. I understand nothing. I accept that. Because of truth. If I can sell everything I still have to move out of state town the county. Because I'm being evicted on payday. I can either lose my car or have a place in a place where you have to have a car and the stress of not having is the car is so much it can kill you or drive you to the point where you can't even see your own point of view though. I will; will it to quit smoking. I will; drink more instead because I don't even drink. Staying positive, if I get my money from Liberty Mutual I can pay off my credit card debt. Staying positive some more if I don't then I will have to file for bankruptcy again in 2-3 years. Right when I get my pardon and be unable to fulfill my schooling. I have nothing else to think upon. I want to talk with YOYO. I miss Joe and Sarah. I just want a job; I need a job: hoping Panda Express works out. I can't even just come into a job where I can just come into and work and leave because I don't have a job like that. I don't even remember who I talked with about getting an extension for my (the) eviction because but I think it was from their attorney Mohegan for Courtside.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I just lost my wallet and it feels freeing af. (Since it's apparently at school.)

I don't have a care in the world right now it feels like; manic or whatever not! OMG, yes! This is so freeing. I don't have to carry about a criminals license or 3 overloaded credit cards. I still have my phone which is great as it's better than anything I had in my wallet. Whoever stole it nothing out of it except for me to do more bitch work (chores, errands, running around doing shit continuously) because I have so many things I'm trying to do at once it's hard to focus and here it all is cascading in again. The I have no room to complain side of a  porn rockstar having to do his own work. The anxiety. I'm about to eat. I ate a huge, late salad that's all I had today and now I'm stuffing my face with 40 pizza rolls, a lemon meringue pie, a 40 and glass of ice tea, my last black and mild and half. Man, I'm excited today. I had a really good conversation with my mother for the first time in 10 years. But I did lose my wallet. Just got off the phone with US Bank about it and realize I left it on campus. The safest place to lose your wallet, LOL! Had a good conversation though. Things are picking up for me, so quickly. I just don't want to fall so hard for thug life again. Musashi wants Esmail and me to go for a visit to Oceanside soon. Staying or leaving I don't know what's going on. My big buddy Diego looks up to me and I look up to Jaesin as being positive influences on my life. Catherine likes me and I just want to "bang it (her) to the curb", but I do really like her too. Just texted her about the pit stop but we'll see how it goes. I did talk to my best friends Scott's mom from way back recently too. I owe it all my therapist Charlotte. My dad was so happy I got on the CIC team at the hospital for support. Although 2/5 of it is niggas; about the death ratio of people that were close to me in the past. Tired of included them as if.

Footnote some random nigga for the night chick hollas out a last unmentionable incoherent word and it's all silent and I can't write any more for a few more minutes. A girl sqeals out. A heavy old truck makes a noise and a nigga talks again. I hate living here. I can't enjoy to even begin my life the way Id like for it to be.  It's such a conspiracy that I'm to be selling DirecTV and I own a use a Kodi box. So many PC kids are hooked on online they are not in touch with actual physical events going on outdoors or anything major going on in real places like sushi bars game or what's on a Hooter's television set.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Pardon, what do you mean I have to wait 20 years for an employer to decide if they want to hire me based on a criminal record.

Nobody else I know got. No on even knows that I got. Unless it's the useless fact of me trying to apply for a job and reaching a roadblock. I'm a good guy when I was younger I made some bad decisions that haunted me my entire life now. There is not a solution for that. I can only try to make it through college. Although the solution would be for the laws to change in my favor but they've only gotten worse and I was held up in hospitals and bad situations where I was stuck living. I may be homeless again in a week after a year of it in DC. I don't know where I should go. I'm stuck looking at no money unless I get this job at Panda Express upcoming. It will be a Godsend from Jesus if I do get this job. I dearly and desperately need it. I'll get through this. Another 3 years of waiting of so to be able to even argue my criminal experiences. I've left it all behind and have nothing to show for it. I tried to take the advice given to me by those who are close but trying to filter out all the bad advice is hard for me to take. There hasn't been much good input into my life for a long time even though I'm reaching some of it now; partly. I wish I had positive influences throughout my life and even now want them. I hope to find them someday. That everything happens for a reason and it will all work out. That I'll find a girlfriend that's a keeper and a happy existence somewhere for the most part; hoping for most of the time. Now to get sicker because you are mentally ill. It made you wonder what they fed you and the reason for it.Some of the things I don't understand. Taking a gamble with it. Wondering whatever the hell I typed in on the bing edge of insanity At breakneck speeds I think about what...mmmphd. Tim;s imaginary best friend laughs at that. He(e) doesn't have anyone to work on the formula with (someone else's girl). Or hopefully and more truthfully my own. No one carries the conversation like an intellectual with space of his own and probably a shop to work on things albeit nowadays it can be things like TVs and Xboxes.

I think I can handle doing what I need to do on my own and what I have to do. At least I think I do; until I talk to my Dad without drinking any alcohol. Total Wines and More on Arden in about an hour to pick up some clearance bottles of something. This really helps with the stress and lets me be a man and take charge of my existence. How can you be mentally ill, in poverty, and not drink? A little commentary would be appreciated. But at least I get to write here. There used to be advice columns for men but they're hard to find nowadays. I never even got to used to listen to Ask Drew. I don't know what happened to him.

I could write a blog, every time I watch an episode of TV, yet I shut up. Because I feel scared about talking about #Hacking basically for lack of a better word. The groups I joined. What I did. What I mostly don't know and do not still know who to this day who I was even connected too. I can only suppose it was local (that maybe is was the Platt's who sold me out with tobacco). But there was the internet. Silicon Valley makes me laugh, Mr. Robot, cop shows, and Burn Notice make me want to tell people I'm a criminal. I know I need to get good enough at writing to finish this all up. Make up for lost #money #time of my life. Living my life so that I can live it. There is always so much serious shit on the news. I know I will be a writer in my spare time. Yet no one I know cares. My dad doesn't give a fuck. Nobody gives a fuck. I need someone in my life with a clean slate. To start all over again. To be that person to someone. Hopefully, I can sustain a happy family through their lives like I never had. I'm just as that song says stacking my chips up and hopefully this is all interesting enough to be used. But I'll have to make money to invest money and nobody has ever invested money in me. Which is what I need. Which won't happen until after my Dad passes WITH his VA benefits.

It hurts being single during all of this. Not being able to hold this all in because I'm greedy with this all. I'm just being honest. I don't know of anyone who has gotten out of these or any of these kinds of situations because I'd relate to them immediately and be successful. You can know a person if you can find the right old age of connecting to one. But they are all over the world and there's not a trace you can set to find them. I guess I have to keep trying at school. As long as I know something. I know I have to focus if I actually want a job. Management sounds ok, Doing business sounds even greater. IT is just kind of ify as if I actually like the people places and things in the future. But people tell me to work on my immediate goals now and not to focus on the future. The Future is the only drive I have. As I even have a payment to them as a dealership with Ford. I'd really rather just make some friends. Get hooked back on the chronic and live my life. Just not falling far or even at all ever again. I kind of wish a lot of the time I could find advice that 's good for me now. I have Jeannie with Kaiser. Women who've been around where I've been are the only ones who really get me. But, I can't just jump. I have to stop focusing on what I don't have. I have to give up. I have to give up more. I have to give up a lot. I always write about the same sort of shit, if this or that or that or this had been different and better and how just this had been that much better. Life is not really fucked up, I disagree. I'm going to start telling my point of view more to people that matter to me but not to everbody. Not to trust those I DON'T NEED TO. Mainly just everyday people, then you go to a better area from the John the killer days and you want to associate with people it's just not in your power yet. your don't hold that muscle yet.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

My life has been time lapsed because of my disease.

It's  so hard to hold love together. I feel as if there is nothing for me to be able to make sense of. Now it's calmer. But I had a bad night last night, just more heartache and no friends who are close anymore. My history is mine and I have to hide it forever. I can't even imagine or hope to truthfully bring it to light eventually. I don't know what it wouldn't be like. To be happy in a healthy way with people who surround me in real life and not having to have that feeling not knowing how bad the next day maybe. At least I'm feeling older now; yet all alone. As I grow older, even though I try to hold onto my youth. I can't wait to make it out, after all the false hope. To be new again and try to lift this stress off my shoulders and be excited again. To be the perfected version of myself. I don't know who I'll find if there is time. For things to work out, with anyone at this point though.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Song Layer over me; thought I had another blog lost. Thank god blogger and chrome with youtube in the background.

There is this thing, outside. With the windows down or inside listening to music. That music is playing and my mom's name is Song and I can't talk to here. It sucks, I have to listen forever, I think I could have saved a life, talking about my personal self and not being something that every piece of shit song wants me to be. I'm confused; maybe I could have done something to fix the problem. Finally telling a friend and my dad about how I really see it instead of hiding everything. Not to use the words I have to sell the idea to; but that's the fact. I feel as though I'm stuck here in the situation because I don't have or didn't have the outlets that free people have. Most of my life has been in seclusion, jail, or institutions. There is no reason for all of this. There has to be a better way. Hopefully my sales job tomorrows 3rd interview gets me some money. I know I need it. I really want to find a job that will move me out of here into a new area. I don't like where I'm at and want a long list of things for me. I still haven't gotten followers from my healthcare and don't give fuck what they consider warnings. I'm tired of living in fear of warnings and abiding by all laws therinto. I'm fed up but I'm sick from it. Only the mighty.com blogs have been helping let me actually relate. Usually I try to feed off of people around me, but so many people are sick it's bewildering that I didn't know that or had the actual talk with anybody about it. I'm glad I talked to my second mom today. I know I have a lot of problems as I'm sure my friends might think but never say or say. It's just money and I hope that there will be a way for me to close the book on being poor forever this year. I It's standing on the corer with a gun in your hand trying to make a point and the the fucks make me explain that's just what I see. I can only imagine what normal people say off camera. Those things never recorded behind the scenes that people say to their friends. My problem is so many things are from a women's prospective that is makes me angry and sick at the same time. Need more men and and men like me to show what's up to people and make a statement that's bold and inciting violence to a riot. Because this is insane. #somethingshouldbedone.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Silicone Icon

Silicone Icon


Tired of heading into something important and on the way there idiots are speaking. On the road, around where I live, where I lie at night. I would be dead without family and even though they can only do barely anything it is something and it's enough not to live my life and believe that I can't. Every little spoken word has a reflection of anything else heard. I can hear it usually by knowing the type of person it is they are surrounding themselves with. Working with living with or playing with. Games or not they are focusing on things in a dumb culture (network) of living breathing #dumbshits and not taking in a fully encompassing life of things to be had or known to be true and meaningful to everyone else. Taken into fact there is no sense of community and all in all no on actually gave a fuck about anyone else for their lives. It's hard to #fathom the true in these #StrikingThoughts, I wonder what Keanu Reeves book name is going to be about whatever donation destination his money will go towards. I hope personally...it's go towards other of his genetic heritage who have it hard. Like some  #lolsec that America built then tried to kill off. #lolsec for a second to me. I need to stay out of my book because I didn't do the research. Hitler being the only bad reference I had to use.

Is there a conspiracy filter to see through #cybercrime filtering through to #realworld #criminalactivity and #trafficing #gangs

I see so much thoughts of an intricate an well connected works of highly efficient criminal activity pointed right at me online. There is no other way to break through to people that I've found wherein the first you don't know anyone in the physical sense (in person). Guess I've already talked about #narcing and spilling my secrets out to people online as the only way I can continue communicating because I don't know how else to do things. Other than calling 9-11's non-emergency line and talking to them. I just had to send out a police to my Dad who was flipping out on me calling me sissy and faggot and such. Joe's in so much pain, I don't even really believe I even helped him out after all my father did for me these past weeks and months. Making up for it I guess when lil Franc I is get's on his PTSD I just want to sprout back but I don't do that for fear that it will come back to me. I believe that I shouldn't take it that way and I just learned in group today that I'm right in not doing it that way. It's still hard for me to hide everything and have to #What'stheword through the healthcare system just to get bills paid and help and health and the support I need in life. I don't get any of that from my family. It's #insane, I get nothing from my naturalized mom and her foreign speaking ass and my stepfathers demon state run by him. I have no other family to turn to in my life. I look at it like software, Sid Meier's Pirate's game looking for women and gold and family broadsiding, boarding and capturing (attacking) ships so that I may be able to have something for myself but the hardest part of the game is finding even one family member and conspiratorially the only thing I have found was one cousin and yes I do I have one #cousinintexas that I've never seen nor met nor know the name of. I'll probably get a lot of flack for #hashtagging narcing I want to see what's going to happen. I expect a lot of hate.

I wish my #cousinshereincali would read my blog and get back to me. #Fuckcomputers huh. #thestruggleisreal I don't know what else to do. #Timetopublish.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Back into other non associated gang life through the school of interesting people?

Been meaning to write a new post. No longer affiliated with any drug party scenes leads to an insane amount of label hanging pardon waiting. There have been no new people come into my life. I know this is probably sappy sounding shit, But I know what I'm looking for--that's the problem. I hold these dripping bloody tears trying to write a song. but there are just too many crazy people out there. I've never been satisfied with the hustle or waiting for some accounting undercover to walk right by you. Forever doomed in the process. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I'm getting pushed all the way down to the state level gateway charge of the government. That's how I feel about the politic i know nothing about, as it is true what we don't know scares us. I'm kind afraid to even look through their directory of service to see where I fit in as to me pertaining to access with a California background check only, it may make me laugh and smile a lot. but according to the little, I do know about history. I feel top secreted against. that's as far as thought goes in this country and other races places. I want to write a blog to my elected representative officials. this blog is going to eventually look like a contract on what my goals are in life. Hopefully given to and endorsed by the state even probating the minor details and I better win or I won't be happy working for them. Albeit I could see how I could and it not be a problem.

Faggot hack Tony Pavone from way back
Home invader Joshua "Cowboy" the Puerto Rican from NY, who was known through and i have a puerto rican group outside my door right now. I need a partner blondie, like where is she? How do you WordPress, where is the combo to tab through tabs, not alt+control. Baby, if I no nigga and become a consultant foregoing a job with the state. I'm going have you for miney and mo. pleasure side I plan on putting a qr code on 500 business cards with levels of access to information. My physical health has been suffering for awhile now loosing my rights to social strength. Fucking minority reportless otherless race to race for or against. I want to write such a rare point of view book. All bi sarah with the homework. old foreigners who dont even type.

Army Discipline

I'm so all over the place, and it's random international business. Which has come true mostly. Don't want to embelish the truth and be honest like abe lincoln. too many gang scams in my daily journalings. thanks trump for letting me contact you and do business with him be cause i know that would make you a great store. import modeled study lounges as a chain operation journalings. Write your personal thoughts for $100. I'm in a occult how do i get away from it. i need to get my education. this information in my homework is so hard to use because i have to apply it right asway. i have yet to find anything in anybook that i can use for this stage in my life. i dont know how to become cleaned into a bubbled life again. i dont understand how everybody will not get what you say based upon a common word hack in international conversations. i dont even know how to reference all the companies in here yet. the class has a book for handwriting analysis. you mean like bigwords in public on signature hacking.

I'm TMI, the star of the show. Leaking too much information. I need to stop smoking. I look at porn too and masturgate i need to stop. something about a mission to quit with not helping women stay prostitutes losing my mind unpaid there's a program for free business suits im not linking correctly sick hack. I'm dying of being unloved in american. Someone please make my book into a movie. More research over what controls I want to be paid for.

I need to write out my fraud history work history personal history, but I n ever talked iwth anyone about my hisotories bgecause I never even got to takd my take my own hisotry and I'm tired of the waiting watergate that never worked due to everyone else on the gateway having done the same or similiar things. You have to lie actively and act your way through it, it's a dangerous job but if your on the book, your on someones internet list.

It's a lie of a good deed I every completed the 2nd thing I ever wanted to do is marry a girl next door. model your life forever with no way to reach back in communication The 2 lairs of science and math I doubt tv can keep up with the intellect i like and adore. Why the fuck is an other white race tu sac taco sauce.id like the gateway to that. Trying not to be horny, i miss options havings. Imaginary friends I dont have control over international business major drips crying over their lack tu communicate. I ate a sin today. again, absentmindedly lie trying to pay the price for it to remember everything but im really wanting to put in some safeguards this time when i paarkty this is what i imagine talking to the landloard about installing a pin i dont know the answer but i have to feel safe enough from even an enemy sorority. welcomes to ikeas requests to afford to show of a castle.

a dick in mhy mouth and a gun in my butt to shut me up. is that a professional law firm teams views on it.
so they feel me beacuse the wordsa re comm on when i dont want to be seally abesed ever again that's why i dont associate with many peope and am reclusive. they should make a show called parent approval
 im having hard time
hawwwwwwww men.

pretty deep hearing all these voices convdersation about from being sent to apply at my gateway dealership mon a second btry.

I want to be a judge that's my goal. but I dont even have an assistant in life got to donate to the police. next time i think he won. because that's not what i wanted to do on television. when john laired at him i think i have to still crawl out of a section 8 window but at least ill always have that. little faggot prosecutor boy in my imagination dealing correct answer conversations but incorrect speech man.follow the rules but i collect too many of them and can not separate them everyone is just stocking tkd that is just their greek acronyms shorthands it will take 3 tries

how i call 9-11 on hackers destroying my life 50 cent at a time.

how do find a patent attorney patent clerk doubling myself a w way to invent the idea generation game. eehhhhhhheeeeeeeeee heeeeee hawwww. people giving false information like dont share your information with the people who are trying to increase your power in the secondary bond movement market. need to donate and find a way to pay the peoples who software ive used uncontractually, illegally, but just like in my family its been so long with the crime having done the damage to your own self, for your protection it would have been easier to take the charge I imagine if you would have done it right. america needs compensation distributed from a major corporation and those laws need to be stopped. crooked doctors false attorney representation even doctors doing minimally invasive tactics even though their little girls are running with an illegal gun toting trustee making me a software recipient i believe the screen burns set into my focus from playing games such as duke nuken the hacker in my network having played dusk til dawn whatever that is,. i never got to actually be a good guy or a bad guy. Always stuck in the middle

last time i studied on my own my whole goal was just to make friends but now i just have the fproblem of netwoorking with another conflict of interest of how they look scientifically with that ee music bond bar bet anarchy bar bet pings unreachable. im using people ive been told but been agency less thinking about the 100s of thousands of people who cant enjoy the ocean to the bay channelside is live on e. hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwsheeeeeee hhaaawwwwwwwww the electric sign outside of the chrysler factory. start reporting 911 problems

Still haven't been able to get the trust up to be herd to be able to actually post some of my (conspiracy) theories of why I'm a Psych Tortured.

Never really know or care to check where my latest views come from all the time. I'm reminded of the mad geniuses of olden days that used to spew forth what they where thinking. Having some light skin issues I know the solution too. It's just dirty here, and noisy, and there is not enough money to clean all of it the way it should be. There are so many laws that are broken around here in Carmichael and even Courtside Apartments itself. I had to watch 4 cops wait outside a Walmart here 2 to a door to catch somebody...

... I didn't wait around to see what the outcome was going to be. I'd rather take my little money I got from Mom after getting insanely yell at about some dumb shit about how she doesn't like something but I have no outlet to complain. I wish I could just magically becoming a lawyer already making buckous of cash already so that I could make the problem go away and live a comfy life. I don't know if I ever will though at this point. I held strong for a long time but just got gassed up about it; forever. Feed is beans huh; #Eminem. Because my mom's name is Song and I was born in Tacoma. It puts me in a weird bind where I know I can't trust who I will be contacted by next...

But seeing this and these things as an American. I've learned you have to run to safe places and make phone calls to the proper people so that they can do their jobs and shit can get handled. I feel so frustrated and now coming out as a narc; well having narced once before back, way back. Feeling so fucked up I'm going to get a gym membership tomorrow, it took me a week of steady searching it felt like in a NATO warzone to get all the particulars in order and I actually have to open a new checking account and get a new card to be able to do it, because of the way the money situation is now and is continuing to be such a problem. I know I would have been forever lost if I had had kids, they would have been in interrupting circuit in the brain that would have had everything come crashing and crumbling down up upon me. Maybe terrorism is a blessing and a curse as I used to look at everything in America as a community. Which it is not, as my friend Esmail Herrig said, "All my imaginary friends". I hope that my lil chief doesn't die like Joseph Lee did when he said "Assholes are like opinions, everybody's got one". I #feel so fucking frustrated dealing with my level of competency and ability as a writer, student, and as a person. I know it's a long road. But just getting enough money, just getting enough will get me where I want I be and where I belong and should be. I've always known that, it's just never been done; yet. Yet I know that I should be able to take care of this eventually, if only for a little while.

I wonder if I can find a thou to play thee and thou pun is games with. Just little stupid dumb shit ass questions with not true meaning or suppositions. Conspiracies are like little flashes in the mind they go so quick and laugh can make you forget them. Which is the way it's supposed to be; the way we are built or just the reason that they go on for so long. I know I really need some friends. All I know is that I'm supposed to be back to baller status like high school. Except I can't get a high school job yet I'm so Psych Fucked. Need to have some music and Big 3 drop my words around to sell books and promote the show. I don't know if that's going to happen but just in music terms I'm supposed to stay hyped and confident and let everyone else believe it's the truth. I'd probably die from #Thestruggleisreal.

I wonder if I can' find a thee

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

How I'm feeling right now.

Not having a personal best friend sucks. Not the best way to open a blog, but we'll see how it goes. I've been held off for far too long kept away from the good communities in college and in life for school and other nefarious purposes like extra marital affairs. But my mind is so polluted by being poor and at the end of the night with no one to call that special someone; free porn is all there is. I barely got this blog up and running after a few years of trying to take classes at a community college; because that unaccredited shit made me want to shoot a bunch of people. I'm still pissed my genius has to go to a cc and not a real university where people who didn't have to overcome extraordinary circumstances and not have had to face the problems that I dealt with my entire life: I'm lucky in the way that my name is a blessing disguised, blemished, and disfigured as a curse. I know gangsters who could be do what they are doing or is it just me and there is no loving family. Everything had to be perfect through me for my entire life enough to hereinto bring me into insanity. But now at least we have #Linsanity and judge is how you may I could have easily as I was told by an attorney when I couldn't handle being locked up on some low level drug charges that since I'm out of the game; It's time to jump through a few windows. Keep myself clean and far from drugs because I was afraid to death of what I went through and all the non communication I experienced throughout my life dealing with the internet and only a fraction of a minority that I experience that I'm the leader of. Once and now that I'm older I feel as if I have to make my presence known on a national level. As much as I'd like to be dealing out federal, state, and community changes there is nothing that I can do as of now. Crazy fucking people and their insanity. It's almost as if everything here is a LAN with no way to finish the equation. I don't know my neighbors nor do I like them. They are ugly, strange, weird, and sick to a disgusting point of looking at and existing with. DLV's with no DHV's to play with I'd rather have run to Canada but that wasn't an option either when I was growing up. My mom is so dumb she doesn't speak any English, my father is so poor I'm 35 with no degree to finish yet, I haven't no other family. My stepfather is not a real father but did not teach me a thing growing up but other than how to be the recipient of a bunch of complaints about his life. I still am a strong personality and like to keep it up that way all the time. I still have to worry about my step brother #MilesThuersam reading this and don't know where the guy will fall on the side of actually talking to a brother about both sides of any equations that may become #Rizen. #Imsohorny right now but I want to get some school work done and go on to a campus but I feel as if I will be harassed and missed my chance to feel a part of a campus such as #SacState but know that hashtag could cost me a lot of fake time with people which I now as of believe it's for the better. All that drug history is there somewhere I believe and is supposed to put me back on the right track slowly into growing and dealing again but I don't know about the actually trusting someone with any part of what I'm working for and towards. Again #LosRios is a pretty dumb place. I have not met any kind of elite inclusivity other than radicals and the mistreants there. There are some #goodandsmartlookers who seemingly get snatched up quickly by those who do have and only for those not in my situation. I #don'thavefollowers #butdesperatelywantfollowers. #Kaiser after 16 years as a mental health patient say they will give me followers. I don't really give a fuck about all the shooting that keep occurring in San Bernardino; karma is after Bernhard not for me. But they name carries enough weight to cause is to make those like me in the same struggle. Guess that's; #Thestruggleisreal.